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"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
By George Ade
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"An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout."
By Unknown
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"And thou shalt smite thine enemy even unto the wall, gnashing thy teeth, and he shall grow small in thy mirrors."
By Jeff Zurschmeide
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"A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on."
By Kin Hubbard
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"Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you."
By Cyril Connolly
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"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, especially if the goods are worthless."
By Sinclair Lewis
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"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants."
By Alben W. Barkley, U.S Vice President (1949-1953)
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"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
By Fred Allen
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"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
By Channing Pollock
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"At least when I was govenor, cocaine was expensive."
By Jerry Brown
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"Atheism has no room for human rights."
By U.S. Senate Chaplain Richard Halverson, addressing 600 people at a prayer breakfast, March 1992 in Wisconsin
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"An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living."
By Nicholas Chamfort
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"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."
By Herb Caen
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"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
By Mark Twain
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"A venturesome minority will always be eager to get off on their own... let them take risks, for Godsake, let them get lost, sunburnt, stranded, drowned, eaten by bears, buried alive under avalanches- that is the right and privilege of any free American."
By 16 Idaho Law Review 407, 420 - 1980.
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"Aviation in itself is not inherently dangerous. But to an even greater degree than the sea, it is terribly unforgiving of carelessness, incapacity, or neglect."
By Anonymous
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"A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not."
By Henry Fielding
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"A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid."
By Jack Benny
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"An intelligence service is, in fact, a stupidity service."
By E.B. White
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"A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist."
By Elbert Hubbard
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