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"In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people."
By Groucho Marx
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"If Jerry Brown is the answer, it must be a very peculiar question."
By Sen Lloyd Bentsen, D-Texas
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"It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."
By Kin Hubbard
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"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."
By Heinrich Heine
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"I have never found in a long experience of politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance."
By Harold Macmillan, British prime minister (1957-1963)
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"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."
By Woody Allen
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"I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers."
By Mahatma Gandhi
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"If the Prince of Peace should come to earth, one of the first things he would do would be to put psychiatrists in their place."
By Aldous Huxley
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"It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks."
By Pierre Auguste Renoir
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"It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how much we admire him."
By John Barth
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"I think, therefore Descartes exists."
By Saul Steinberg
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"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
By Abraham Lincoln
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"It was not their irritating assumption of equality that annoyed Nicholai so much as their cultural confusions. The Americans seemed to confuse standard of living with quality of life, equal opportunity with institutionalized mediocrity, bravery with courage, machismo with manhood, liberty with freedom, wordiness with articulation, fun with pleasure - in short, all of the misconceptions common to those who assume that justice implies equality for all, rather than equality for equals."
By Trevanian from the novel "Shibumi"
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"I was much distressed by next door people who had twin babies and played the violin; but one of the twins died, and the other has eaten the fiddle - so all is peace."
By Edward Lear
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"I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly."
By Michel de Montaigne
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"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
By W.C. Fields
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"I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor."
By George Bernard Shaw
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"I pride myself on the fact that my work has no socially redeeming value."
By John Waters
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"I love acting. It is so much more real than life."
By Oscar Wilde
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"I really do plan to get out of show business within five years or so."
By Bill Cosby, Playboy Interview - May 1969
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