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Quotes by Henny Youngman

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
By Henny Youngman
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"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
By Henny Youngman
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
By Henny Youngman
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"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
By Henny Youngman
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"What?s the use of happiness? It can?t buy you money."
By Henny Youngman
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"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
By Henny Youngman
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"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
By Henny Youngman
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"My wife is a light eater ... as soon as it's light, she starts to eat."
By Henny Youngman
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"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning,....sleep late."
By Henny Youngman
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"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
By Henny Youngman
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
By Henny Youngman
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
By Henny Youngman
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"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
By Henny Youngman
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