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Quotes by Rita Rudner

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
By Rita Rudner
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"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
By Rita Rudner
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"My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping."
By Rita Rudner
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"To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.'"
By Rita Rudner
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"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow."
By Rita Rudner
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"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
By Rita Rudner
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"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
By Rita Rudner
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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
By Rita Rudner
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"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
By Rita Rudner
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"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times."
By Rita Rudner
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"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
By Rita Rudner
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"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
By Rita Rudner
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"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something"
By Rita Rudner
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"Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before."
By Rita Rudner
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"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
By Rita Rudner
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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
By Rita Rudner
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"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
By Rita Rudner
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"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
By Rita Rudner
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"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."
By Rita Rudner
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"When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with'"
By Rita Rudner
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"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
By Rita Rudner
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