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Quotes by Steven Wright

"If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?"
By Steven Wright
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"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
By Steven Wright
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"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
By Steven Wright
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"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."
By Steven Wright
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"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
By Steven Wright
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"Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect."
By Steven Wright
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"I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it."
By Steven Wright
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"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
By Steven Wright
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"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
By Steven Wright
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"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"
By Steven Wright
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"I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world."
By Steven Wright
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"When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic."
By Steven Wright
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"They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded."
By Steven Wright
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"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."
By Steven Wright
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"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."
By Steven Wright
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"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
By Steven Wright
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"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
By Steven Wright
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"Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country."
By Steven Wright
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"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
By Steven Wright
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"Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture."
By Steven Wright
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"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
By Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
By Steven Wright
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"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
By Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
By Steven Wright
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"If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know"
By Steven Wright
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